Vits

[Tittan]

På engelsk denne gangen:

So, it seems that a lot of the older dieties are bored with the lower numbers of devotees that they have recently and are taking up new jobs.

They've even set up a counciling center to help them hook up with new professions that are well suited to them.

Ra [egyptisk gud] showed up one day looking for something new, and his councilor (one of the Muses) suggested that with his experience with relationships, he might be a good mariage councilor.

He was a little nervous about that one, but he liked the idea of being able to help others.

The councilor suggested that he stop by Kali's [indisk gud] new tailor shop and trade in his linen skirt for one of the newest suits on the etherial market. It's clothing made from a fabric that shows, by changing color, just how much good or harm your doing to those around you. This way, he'd know immediately if he was helping his clients, and how much.

Well, he got the suit made and set up shop and was immediately very very popular.

The councilors were discussing their successfull cases and the Muse remarked how surprised she was at Ra's success rate. Her superior laughed and shook her head. "Darling, you know couples have been relying on the Karma Suit Ra to help improve their relationships for ages!"

[Voon]

Hmmm... Jamen daså

[Eyden]

Tittan.. den var en av de mest tørre og søkte vitsene jeg noengang har hørt.. congrats!

[Tittan]

Takk, har prøvd lenge å fortelle tørrest vits

[Voon]

*gratulere tittan*

[toth42]

Se for deg en forskremt neandertaler liggende under skinnfellen sin på natta. en trøtt 'kone' ved siden av sitter opp og sier: "Go back sleep Grog. you only dream we live so long then die."
Genial!

[Voon]

*fnise* Den var ikke dum nei

[sharee]

biter en byte?
hvor mye RAM er det i en Dram?

[Budoc]

Vitser ja....
vel, har "ett par" tørre på lager...

............................

nr 1:
Why didn't the dinosaur cross the road
A:Because roads weren't invented yet.


Nr2:
there were two goldfish in a tank.
One says to the other "How do you drive this thing?"...

Nr3:
-Which color has the largest smile?
-Grin.



Yepp!
Budoc

[dybvik]

Det satt en tørrfisk oppe i et tre, så gikk det en hai forbi.
Tørrfisken sier "Hai hai."
Haien kikker opp i treet og sier: "At du tørr, fisk!"

[toth42]

off.. den var så tørr jeg må ha et glass vann..

[Oceanborn]

A Feeling of Impotence
There once was a time
I was omnipotent,
but now, some years later,
I'm just impotent.
I heard about cures
from books and TV
and thought some of them
might do it for me.
Maybe some Rogaine
would bring back my hair
and make me look sexy,
and suave, debonair.
Then there's Viagra,
the little blue pill.
If nothing else works,
Bob Dole says it will.
I heard of males hormones
from ads on TV.
"They bring back your sex drive,
just try 'em, you'll see!"
I went to the drug store
and bought all this stuff.
I used them together,
used more than enough.
Drug interactions
did strange things to me
and caused some reactions
that just shouldn't be.
That hair-growing Rogaine
grew hair thick and black
all over my body,
especially my back.
Viagra did nothing
for my little friend,
but made all that hair
stand straight up on end.
The hormones gave sex drive,
my outlook is great,
but due to the hair,
I can't get a date.
Now I'm in a fix.
There's no antidote.
I'm back where I started
but look like a goat.
All of this trouble
is something I've earned.
"Don't fool Mother Nature's"
the first thing I learned!

[toth42]

*humre*

[songbird]

*fnise*

[BagBiter]

På begynnelsen av 80tallet var en nordmann på rundtur i Sør-Afrika. Han var en såkalt backpacker. Dagen gikk med på sight-seeing og han ville få med seg så mye som mulig. Det siste han tenkte på var å finne et sted å sove.

Da kvelden kom hadde han enda ikke funnet seg et sted å tilbringe natten, og ble fra seg da han oppdaget at alle de hvite hotellene var fulle. Han fant ikke annet råd enn å smøre seg inn med skokrem for å ta inn på et hotell for fargede.

Han bad resepsjonisten vekke ham klokka 0700 neste morgen fordi han måtte rekke en buss som gikk videre til neste by.

Da morgenen kom ble mannen vekket og skyntet seg bort til bussen. Til sin forskrekkelse oppdaget han at bussen var kun for hvite! Han gikk tilbake til hotellet for å prøve å vaske av seg skokremen. Han gnikket og skrubbet, men han ble ikke hvitere..!

Plutselig var det at resepsjonisten oppdaget at han hadde vekket feil mann..

[Eyden]

Hah, min versjon er bedre! Les "syke saker" på dsgf-skrivebordet

[dybvik]

Synes denne er artig jeg

Temperatures:

+15°C / 59°F
This is as warm as it gets in Norway, so we'll start here.
People in Spain wear winter-coats and gloves.
The Norvegians are out in the sun, getting a tan.

+10°C / 50°F
The French are trying in vain to start their central heating.
The Norvegians plant flowers in their gardens.

+5°C / 41°F
Italian cars won't start.
The Norvegians are cruising in cabriolets.

0°C / 32°F
Distilled water freezes.
The water in Oslo Fjord gets a little thicker.

-5°C / 23°F
People in California almost freeze to death.
The Norvegians have their final barbecue before winter.

-10°C / 14°F
The Brits start the heat in their houses.
The Norvegians start using long sleeves.

-20°C / -4°F
The Aussies flee from Mallorca.
The Norvegians end their Midsummer celebrations.
Autumn is here.

-30°C / -22°F
People in Greece die from the cold and disappear from the face
of the earth.
The Norvegians start drying their laundry indoors.

-40°C / -40°F
Paris start cracking in the cold.
The Norvegians stand in line at the hotdog stands.

-50°C / -58°F >
Polar bears start evacuating the North Pole.
The Norvegian army postpones their winter survival training
awaiting real winter weather.

-70°C / -94°F
The false Santa moves south.
The Norvegian army goes out on winter survival training.

-183°C / -297.4°F
Microbes in food don't survive.
The Norvegian cows complain that the farmers' hands are cold.

-273°C / -459.4°F
ALL atom-based movent halts.
The Norvegians start saying "Faen, it's cold outside today."

-300°C / -508°F
Hell freezes over,
Norway wins the Eurovision Song Contest.

[toth42]

*humre* vi er da ikke så harde..

[Voon]

Jeg har hørt en lignende med finske mennesker og vodkaen deres. Den er fornøelig festlig den og. Det går endel fellestrekk der da men. Uansett.

[Eyden]

litt OT: synes nå at Secret Garden - Nocturne er fin jeg..