Snåle greier fra nettet

[wertoi]

Jeg svarte på spørsmålene slik at jeg fikk full pott, og fant ut at om man tar testen seriøst og får det resultatet jeg fikk, er man etter min mening et særdeles trangsynt menneske.

[desmodus]

veldig veldig enig! håper virkelig ikke det er mange som tar den "gruppa" der seriøst!!

[theJack]

Et øyeblikk var jeg overrasket og trodde jeg var "Kristen med behov for veiledning" før det gikk opp for meg at tabellen gikk ned til -250, hvor jeg befant meg -den ultimate satanist!

[wertoi]

Jeg også, fikk -220, men så ikke minustegnet før litt etterhvert. 'Er jeg virkelig så kristen?' lurte jeg. Så så jeg litt bedre etter og innså at jeg ikke liker overkristne mennesker som lager tester.

[Shai_Tan]

jeg fikk -240 hvorfor økte forakten for ekstrem personlig kristene mensker noen hakk nå.

[QIQrrr]

Sakset fra hjemmesiden:

"Våren 1998 skickade vi en lastbil full med biblar till Warszawa, något vi skall försöka upprepa så snart vi bara kan. Förutom dessa biblar skänkte vi flera hundra pappersänglar till de fattiga polska barnen."

...jeg tror de fattige barna i Polen trenger klær, mat og medisiner, ikke bibler og papirengler!

Festlig

[toth42]

Syndaren: Du svaga, förtappade syndare. Är du stolt över dig själv? Kan du verkligen sova på nätterna? Vet du att din själ tillhör Satan? Du måste byta livsstil, bli ödmjuk och en moralisk människa. Vill du verkligen brinna i helvetet? Kontakta oss! fikk faktisk 20 poeng, men svarte kansje instinktivt litt for mye utifra barnetro og litt lite fra egne standpunkt på noen spørsmål....
Og bare så det er sagt; min barnetro stammer fra "en av Norges mest lukkede religiøse sekter"™ (det er navnet VG gir oss i det minste..)

[Tittan]

Gammel greie fra etter valget i USA i 2000:

NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE

To the citizens of the United States of America,

In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise". You will learn that the suffix 'burgh is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed". There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize".

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to Cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon". If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders" which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "5hit". You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps". Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer", and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager". The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be refered to as "Near-Frozen Knat's Urine", with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Knat's Urine". This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From November 1st the UK will harmonise petrol (or "Gasoline" as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2001) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon - get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you’re not grown up enough to handle a gun.

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

[toth42]

*humre* nice one.. fra hvem..?

[Tittan]

Fra Storbritania

(ps. oppdatert til den lange versjonen!)

[Tittan]

Bushisms

"Natural gas is hemispheric. I like to call it hemispheric in nature because it is a product that we can find in our neighborhoods." —George W. Bush, Dec. 20, 2000

[toth42]

The great thing about America is everybody should vote." —George W. Bush, Austin, Texas, Dec. 8, 2000
Går det an å være så dum??!

[desmodus]

verden er gal....det skremmer meg....

[toth42]

Bush er gal, det skremmer meg.. når skal de ta til vett?! han sitter ved den røde knappen, for pokker!

[Voon]

*trylle bort bush*

[toth42]

[Glahn]

The world today seems absolutely crackers
With nuclear bombs to blow us all sky high
There's fools and idiots sitting on the triggers
It's depressing, and it's senseless, and that's why

I like Chinese, I like Chinese...

Riktignok skrev Monty Python denne sangen for ganske mange år siden, men det er ikke så mye som har endret seg egentlig.

[Ennasus]

Her er det noen gøye klipp og spill...

http://www.nrk.no/petre/3047128.html?p_saksunivers_id=20507

[Tittan]

Oppgaven til studentene lød slik: - «Beskriv hvordan man kan fastsette høyden på en skyskraper ved hjelp av et barometer.»

En av studentene svarte: «Man kan binde et barometer til en snor og heise barometret fra toppen av taket ned til bakken. Høyden av skyskraperen er lik lengden av snora pluss høyden på barometret.»

Dette meget originale svaret fikk sensor til å hevde at studenten hadde strøket på eksamen, men studenten protesterte og fastholdt at svaret var absolutt korrekt. Universitetet utnevnte en egen eksamenskommisjon som skulle avgjøre saken. Kommisjonen måtte medgi at svaret var korrekt, men at det ikke avgjorde om studenten hadde kunnskaper i fysikk. De besluttet derfor å gi studenten seks minutter til en muntlig utredning hvor han skulle vise sine generelle fysikkunnskaper. I fem minutter satt studenten stille og tenkte. Sensor minnet ham om at tiden var ved å renne ut. Studenten svarte at han hadde flere meget relevante svar, men at han vanskelig kunne velge et av dem. Etter å ha blitt anbefalt å skynde seg, foreslo studenten følgende:


Man kan bringe et barometer opp på taket av skyskraperen og slippe det ut for kanten, for så å måle tiden det tar før barometret treffer bakken. Høyden av bygningen kan deretter regnes ut etter formelen: H = 0.5g x t2. Det betyr imidlertid slutten for barometeret.
Hvis det er solskinn, kan man måle høyden av barometeret, og så sette det på enden for deretter å måle lengden av den skyggen det lager. Deretter kan man måle lengden på skyskraperens skygge, det er en enkel sak ved proporsjonsregning.
Vil man være riktig sofistikert kan man feste en kort hyssing til barometeret og svinge det som en pendel, først ved bakken og deretter på toppen av skyskraperen. Høyden av skyskraperen kan da beregnes etter forskjellen i gravitasjon etter prinsippet T=2pi2 (1/2g).
Hvis skyskraperen har en utvendig trapp, vil det være enkelt å gå opp trappen og måle høyden i «barometerlengder» for senere å legge dem sammen.
Hvis man ønsker å være riktig ortodoks, kan man også bruke barometeret til å måle lufttrykket på taket av skyskraperen og deretter på bakken, for så å gjøre om differensen i millibar til meter for å finne høyden på skyskraperen.
Studenten forklarte videre: «Men siden studentene er anmodet om å tenke selvstendig og finne utradisjonelle metoder som kan bringe den vitenskapelige tenking videre, ville den utvilsomt beste metoden være å banke på vaktmesterens dør og si at han skulle få et flott, nytt barometer hvis han ville fortelle hvor høy skyskraperen er.»

Studenten bestod eksamen. Han het Niels Bohr; den eneste danske som har vunnet Nobelprisen i fysikk.

[Tittan]

Det er et nytt virus i omløp, det heter ARBEID.

Hvis du mottar noen form for ARBEID, enten via e-post eller simpelthen overlatt til deg fra din sjef eller kollega, så ikke aksepter det. De personer som har akseptert ARBEID har etter en stund befunnet seg i en situasjon der all deres fritid er forsvunnet og deres tankevirksomhet ikke lenger fungerer normalt.

Hvis du mottar ARBEID via e-post, eller noe som helst ARBEID i det hele tatt, så fjern viruset og send beskjed til din sjef med ordene:

«Jeg har fått nok - jeg går øyeblikkelig og setter meg på nærmeste pub.»

Alle former for ARBEID skal så forsvinne fra dine tanker.

Hvis du senere mottar noen form for ARBEID i papirform, kast det i papirkurven.

Vær grei å sende denne beskjed til alle vennene du har i din adressebok. Hvis din adressebok ikke inneholder noen venner, så er jeg redd for at ARBEID allerede har angrepet deg og ødelagt livet ditt.