.. Du har to kuer ..

[sjokoladekjeks]

Naturalisme:
Du har to kuer.
De har, og kommer alltid til å ha det jævlig.

[fungi]

Kapitalisme:

Spansk kapitalisme:
Du har to kuer. Du selger den ene til en turist…. �Special prise for you, my friend.�

Fransk kapitalisme:
Du har to kuer. Du streiker for å få tre.

Japansk kapitalisme:
Du har to kuer. Gjør dem om til en
tiendedel av en normal kus størrelse, som produserer tjue ganger så mye melk. Så utvikler du en smart-kuserie som du kaller Kokimon ogmarkedsfører den over hele verden.

Singapore-kapitalisme:
Du har to kuer. De tygger gress. De blir arrestert fordi politiet tror de tygger tyggegummi.

Britisk kapitalisme:
Du har to kuer. Begge er gale.

Italiensk kapitalisme:
Du har to kuer. Men du vet ikke hvor de er. Du tar lunsj.

Norsk kapitalisme:
Du har to kuer. Du er gal.

[fungi]

Den her var litt morsom

Enron type kapitalisme (eller nyklassisk amerikansk kapitalisme)
Du har to kuer. Du selger tre av kuene til ditt børsnoterte selskap
ved hjelp av kredittbrev som din svoger har ordnet i banken. SÃ¥
gjennomfører du en "debt/equity SWAP with an associated general
offer", slik at du får alle fire kuene tilbake med et skattefradrag for fem kuer.
Melkerettighetene for seks kuer overføres via en mellommann tilet selskap
på Cayman Island som i hemmelighet eies av eieren avaksjemajoriteten
i selskapet ditt, som selger rettighetenetil alle syv kuene til ditt børsnoterte
selskap. I årsrapporten oppgis det at selskapet eier åtte kuer og opsjon
på ytterligere en ku. Selgen ku for å kjøpe en amerikansk president som gjør
at du har ni kuer igjen. For beregning av balansen, kontakt Arthur.
Staten kjøper kuene din

[Langemin]

Ragnhildisme (aka vegetarisme):

du har to kuer, synes synd på de, og slipper de fri.

[toth42]

A1
You have two cows. One of them is deaf and another is saying 'why god.. why do you allow these stupid jokes about two cows that no one gets.. kill them all' and then you die.
Aboriginal
You have two cows. They claim ownership of your farm because they've lived there longer than you.
You have two cows. Strangers move onto the farm. You share the milk with them. They steal the farm and the cows, and move you into the pig pen. Your children are told they are greedy when they ask for the cows back.
Absurdism
You have two cows. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
Academics
Assume, without loss of generality, two spherical frictionless cows...
Aeronautics
You have two cows. They both fart methane. They both have hair all over them. If they get much more hair on them they will become Hairier Jets. If the Feds hear about it, they will appropriate funds to build them their own runways at airports. Nader will stop it after spending millions of dollars to get the Feds to admit that cows don't fly.
Affirmative action
You have two cows. The first cow gets into college because it has more black spots.
Agnosticism
You have two cows. You can't decide whether they exist or not, so you pretend not to care.
AIMism
OMGz u hav 2 cowz lolz!!1
DuudEz, i m lik teh fr34kin 1337 coz I totoly pwned yur 2 cows!!1!11!oen!uno!!
Alberta
You have two cows. Quebec threatens to separate. Now Quebec has two cows, you have to find your own.
Alzheimers
You have two cows. You don't remember where they are.
Alcoholism
You have two cows, but you see four.
Anarchism
You have two cows. You milk them for the benefit of the collective, which in turn provides you with other necessities, until Franco's army slaughters all of you.
You have two cows. The cows decide you have no right to do anything with their milk and leave to form their own society.
You have two cows. You steal your neighbor's bull and ignore the government.
You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
You have two cows. Your neighbor hits you over the head with a brick, steals your cows, then shoots them for fun. You later discover that he is a Nazi.
Anime
You have two cows. One transforms into an enormous fighting robot and soars into outer space to battle the intergalactic menace, Lord Kashicawa. The other grows enormous udders and struts around. Some J-Pop plays. Both cows vanish...until...NEXT TIME ON COWARUKI WARRIORS!
Ann Coulter
Yes, President Bush has two cows. So what? If Al Gore had two cows, the liberal press would praise it on the front pages of every paper every day. But instead, because of their hatred for all things Bush, they insinuate that these cows were the product of some shady deals involving Enron. If these cows were gay or Muslim, the liberals would be all for them; but since they're just white Christian cows, instead the liberals want to destroy America.
AOL
You have two cows. They are so easy to milk, no wonder they are #1.
You have two cows. None of them function. They take three hours to get up, and once they do, all they do is block your path.
Apathy
You have two cows, but you don't care.
Aristocracy
You have two cows. You sell both and buy one really big cow — with a pedigree.
Armies
United Kingdom: You have two cows. One moves. You salute it. The other doesn't. You paint it.
United States: You have two cows. You don't ask. They don't tell.
Singapore:
You have two cows. The cows don't give you milk, so you get them reclassified and posted to more suitable vocations.
You have two cows. They spit, you get whipped.
Switzerland: You have two cows. Switzerland doesn't care. You take all of Switzerlands' cows. They pelt you with cheese.
Artist (Visual)
You have two cows. You suspend them in formaldehyde in glass display boxes. In London.
Assembly language programming
You have two cows, in registers 0 and 1. Many inexplicably complicated things happen and everything crashes.
You have two cows, you place them in a register and shift them 2 to the left, you now have 8 cows, then everything crashes and you lose all your cows.
Atheism
You have two cows. You witnessed the birth of your cows, so you assume nothing supernatural exists.
You have two cows. Through empirical observation you learn how to care for them and benefit from them. Your theist neighbor has no cows, but their God said it's okay to take your cows. A miracle!
You don't have two cows. People say cows perform miracles, but you never find evidence of any. You never find cow shit in the yard. Your neighbours find chicken shit and think it's cow shit, but they don't have cows either.
You have two cows. Your theist neighbor prays to them daily and gets really mad whenever you milk them. When he catches you drinking some of the milk, you are burned at the stake.
You have two cows. You keep them in a warm shed and feed them through a hatch. As your cows have never seen you, they don't believe in you. The first time you go in to milk them, they gore you.
Australianism
You have two cows. On a 72,000 Acre plot... Somewhere.
Automated telephone services
You have - 2 - cows. Press 1 if this is correct. Press 2 if this is not correct. [Press]... Please hold while we connect you to one of our live operators. [Moo-zak]... We thank you for your patience, this far. All operators are currently engaged, and we ask you to continue to hold. Your cows are important to us. [More moo-zak]...

______________________________________________________

Dette var bare for bokstaven A.
For resten av alfabetet, se http://en.wikibooks.org/wiki/Jokebook:You_have_two_cows/A

[Karete]

LOL !!!

[mathianus]

haha, litt genialt. liker særlig academics